Wow, a whole month has passed. I don’t know where to begin.
Actually I have an idea on how to begin: the reason I didn’t write for such a long time is because NOT writing is very addictive. First you decide not to write every day, then you somehow reach the idea that you should write only if you have something to say, and even more so, only when you feel like it –what’s the point after all. Then, a whole month passes by – and in my case – I’m not very surprised.
I have a very addictive personality – once I find a good pub, or a great diner, I go there every time, until something disturbs the equilibrium and I don’t like it anymore – either the pub gets too crowded or my favorite bartender quits, or the diner gets new menus and cancels my favorite deep-fried dish.
The thing that’s becoming most troubling is that I think I’ve become addicted to laziness. I’m sure I’m not the first 25-year-old who stills lives with his parents, and I know I have mitigating circumstances on my side, but still, it really bothers me.
I’m also doing badly at school, either because I hate what I’m studying or I’m just lazy and don’t study enough (or at all) – I have a “find a shortcut first” kind of attitude towards it that I can’t shake off. I just want to move on.
And my job! Working in this lab is drilling a hole through my heart inch by inch. I’d give a lung to anyone willing to provide me with a 9-to-5 job which pays well enough for me to start living independently, and I’d throw in a kidney if that job takes me so far away from here I’d have to learn a new language. That actually ties in with me feeling lazy - maybe I should get off my fat butt and find myself that kind of a job. Isn’t that what a sane human being would do?
I just know that, for whatever reason, this isn’t going to happen soon, and that for now I’m stuck.
